KATT: Please be gentle with yourself. It was a vacation romance, just a little difficult to disengage. Seems you both have "issues." Therefore he was more able to understand your feelings. I think it's kind of nice you two could share about those problems. Sort of a sweet coincidence. Sounds like you will not want to tell everyone about your issues from now on, however.

Lasting relationships usually require a willingness to postpone sex until the people get to know each other well. That means learning to endure sexual tension for quite a while. The urge to merge is more than sexual. It's the urge to ignore the problem of boundaries and the problem of needing to truly investigate and learn the needs and ways and personality of the other person. And to risk the chance that person might not be right for you.

You're very young, I think, to be choosing a life partner. So you are still in the process of discovery, finding out what sort of boyfriend you like. You are also learning, a little bit, that postponement of gratification is a good idea because it helps you make better choices. Also...it's not fair to yourself to always be thinking about his preferences and whether he wants you. It's very important that you consider your preferences and whether he meets your needs.

If your need is stability, you need to go slowly in order to find out if the other person is ready for that. There is no quick fix.

If your need is for a fast vacation romance, with no strings attached, then it's okay, as long as you are able to take responsibility for responding in a way to bring that about.

Please don't feel bad, dear Katt. You did nothing wrong. You're only human. There is no law, you know, against a little brief happiness in the beautiful island paradise.

Adieu