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Perna said:
Okay, I have a problem with the definitions? :-) You can feel hurt but can't blame me for it!

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OK, very good point Perna. We can't make other people responsible for OUR feelings. Thank you for calling for clarification.

Lets say it this way...A loved one or an unloved one has done something that leaves you feeling hurt or angry. You've taken responsibility for your feelings and thought about why you are feeling hurt or angry or whatever. You politely and respectfully tell the person that their actions have hurt or angered you.

What actions to you expect them to take to help make amends and do their part in repairing the rupture?

Here is where I am TODAY at 5:00 PM EST. I was hurt by my husband lashing out at me yesterday, claiming that I didn't care about him and was trying to avoid him. (The latter statement was actually true). So I spoke up in a controlled way and told him about how his actions were bothering me. His response was to minimize my complaint and not to talk with me for the rest of the evening. This morning he was pleasant to me, but has not made any attempt to talk about the problem. I personally feel better today because I voiced my hurt last night and made him aware how his myriad of illnesses are affecting me. Also amazingly, although he is still complaining a little bit about his aches and pains, I noticed that he is not taking his temperature a zillion times an hour. So there has been a slight improvement in his behavior. (YES, I did make it a point to say, "You seem like you are feeling somewhat better today, I'm glad because I want you to feel better").

The problem here is WE STILL HAVEN"T REALLY DISCUSSED anything. And the same thing is likely to occur again in a few days. WHY, because I see some improvement and back off a little bit. I never seem to be able to achieve true reparation. I never get to the point where he says..."I'm sorry for leaning on you too much...what can I do to make it up to you?"

Now you can blame ME for this because I am not demanding or telling him--hey, we still have a problem here.

However, if the situation was reversed and I did something that ended up hurting him and he told me about it. If I cared about him and the relationship, I would seek ways to reach out and try to repair the rupture too. You know be a bit proactive. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't realize....can I make it up to you some how?...How about dinner, back rub..HEY...how about we TALK about what happened so I a better understand what you are going through?

Actually I even did some of that last night by going back to him after he lashed out at me and retreated. I acknowledging that I heard his complaint and attempted to talk with him about it.

For a real relationship both people have to be active in repairing ruptures or misunderstandings.

I'm asking everyone... How do you want people to respond when you tell them you've been hurt or angered by something they did? Is there a limit to your tolerance for repeat offenses before you say...' your an *** and I don't want to have a relationship with you anymore'?