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Originally Posted by velcro003
i knowwww, and she IS great. she has no idea that i secretly look forward to therapy. she only knows how nervous i get (which is also true). so to her somewhat blithely telling me in a "P.S" at the end of an e-mail that she can't make Monday's session isn't probably a big deal, as she has tended to be rather cavalier in telling me she is cancelling a session (usually at the very end the week before).
i spiraled entirely too far down last night. some of it was alcohol related, but I haven't had such intense SUI thoughts in awhile. i know this is way over-reaction. i also know that i have never had to "confront" her on my feelings towards anything she has said/did before. I am extremely avoidant and I easily shut down when hurt.
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For what it's worth, I don't think it's an overreaction at all. You rely on your T to help you work through difficult things, and it's really upsetting when that outlet gets pulled out from under you. (Although I completely understand the urge to tell yourself that your feelings are disproportionate and shameful because I do it to myself all the time.)
I just think it could be useful to take some of the disappointment and burden off yourself and share it with your T, where it might help her understand that she should be more careful and give you more notice when possible. Keeping feelings like that inside is so awful. It's okay that your T and your time with her really matter to you. In fact, I bet she would be pleased to hear about that, even if it comes out in the context of you telling her how upset her email made you.
I don't think you even have to "confront" her. You can just say something like, "I felt really upset and destabilized when you canceled so casually. I look forward to sessions, and I hate when you aren't there for me." or whatever seems natural to say. When I started to engage in this kind of openness is when my T started to really get into things and help me deal with my feelings more successfully.