Anyone else feel this way? Like you don't even know what your personality is because you take medication or so much medication? In my case, it's a lot, not including vitamins to prevent restless leg syndrome & calcium for osteopenia as well as melatonin on pdoc's advice for sleep because too much of his sleep medication makes me very forgetful, to the point of being a danger. I have been on meds since I was 19 years old, and I'm 40 now. I've been on psych medication more than I've been off it (except for the 9 months I was pregnant with my daughter).

Sometimes, I wonder where the heck I am under all these meds? Often they make me tired and I feel less creative and motivated. I used to be a go-getter, straight A's in high school (graduated valedictorian), all A's in college except one B in Physics II (graduated summa cum laude, got a Master's in grad school in Cell & Molecular Biology, used to write fiction stories, etc.

Now I can't even hold down a job (every time I try, I nearly end up in the psych hospital). I try to be a decent mother to my daughter, but she has tons of sensory issues and also is in puberty now, which I find extremely challenging to deal with. I don't even keep house well. I can't concentrate much and I often forget words for common objects.

Ugh! In some ways, I feel the meds have messed me up. For 10 years, I was mis-diagnosed with major depression and on depression meds which caused me to have manic symtoms, but no pdoc seemed to care to re-evaluate me once I got the initial diagnosis of major depression (I had a very bad eating disorder and they mostly concentrated on that) & panic disorder for years & years. Finally, I showed up at a pdoc appt. super manic, and got re-diagnosed. In some ways, I feel like all the anti-depressants I was on for years (probably every one out there that existed at the time) messed with my brain.

I'm not the person I once was, but is it just life happening or the meds? Who knows? I find it very frustrating at times, which causes me to stop taking the meds and then get into messy situations. Ugh.