Hi...after a early lifetime of trauma and abuse, I suffered a great deal of complex ptsd, too...but she was always there for every emotional breakdown anywhere.

First off, let me state for the record, I’m not officially diagnosed by any learned professional, just was a 2 year psych student myself long ago....but I know (and it’s obvious) that I’m a multiple. I don’t claim to be a solid DID or OSDD because of this...I just say DID/OSDD to be fair. I would say and swear to that I am DID because of the amnesia between parts and I definetly have more than one apparently normal part (ANP) or state of consciousness that I switch between moment to moment- a very fractured psyche- just to let you know.

I, as far as I can remember (not much) has always experienced dissociation and alter switching since a small child....all the memories for all of us begin at the age of 5...everything earlier than that is gone ( according to parents, me and my sisters were holy hell on the airplane).

My interests change....and any memory of just moments ago would disappear and I would become a different person with a different mind set, different feelings, emotions, beliefs, body movements and gestures, way of talking and manner...everything will change as I become the next Alter up. I can say the same for them. As the next alter up....our previous memories of what that alter experiences will emerge and all that I can remember will disappear.

We are co-conscious and co-hosting which basically means we share the conscious and can work together to deal with the present, but the memories stay with the alter that experiences them (confused yet? I am)....which causes very vague memories for those watching which lends to the blurry lines....but we do have full on body switching. Sometimes when we switch is slow like putting on a glove, quick where we snap to and twitch, or seamless on the fly mid sentence which is mind blowing because you have to play detective very fast figuring out what’s going on and what you are saying.

I believe I am a part that stays conscious and keeps us all “linked” to function as a singleton, and my thoughts usually are the thoughts of the others, but I am always through the other parts dictating and never body controlling. My memory comes and goes with the alter present. I constantly experience missing memories, but to me the lights never go out. Most of the time I’m just watching...a Watcher...and at times I’m in a daze. Sometimes I feel like I’m being passed from one to another like a talking stick- who ever holds the stick gets to talk, I often times fade back into the background but is awares. I most often times get disconnected from the body, like it’s not mine with no control (depersonalization) and feel like reality isn’t real (derealization).

On hearing alters...it’s a head voice kind of thing, not auditory in outside the head. I liken it to mental chit chat, or even telepathy. People have control of their head voice I assume....they think like they talk. We do too, but the other thought voices come of their own accord in different dialects, slang, manner of talking without any thought effort on my behalf...I can feel a mental effort for the voices, but the actual ideas and thoughts voiced are not those of my own....but what do I know....my head voice changes with the alter hosting and I am then them- so am I really who I thought I was? Lol. One has to self laugh at all this to stay sane.

DID without amnesia- I would say no or then maybe considered OSDD- depending on where you live.

To my understanding and experience DID has amnesia between the parts which equates to I don’t know what the other is feeling, thinking, past memories, and the essence that makes that alter it’s own unique part....as much as I can read into another human being’s life. I can feel the walls in my mind that I can’t break....places that holds emotions and memories that I can’t access that other parts who’s job is to own them. For example, I can’t cry nor laugh, but there is an emotional part that can...and they come forward to do their job. It’s crazy nuts to feel yourself laughing when you aren’t or angry ranting and just watching.

Sure we co-host and are co-conscious, but like sitting around a table in a business meeting collaborating, debating, arguing, partying, or fighting....or a mixture there of.

At first it was perceived as a single mind/life....but then I began to notice the segments of personalities, actions and thoughts= all the blank spots. They aren’t obvious to us....but they are there....the co-consciousness if it all helps hide it.

I hope that this gives you some insight of how we are living...I feel a switch coming on as she is coming forward because she (Susie) waited for me to finish this.

Hope this helps.