Sorry you're struggling!

I feel the same way sometimes. I'm barely able to hold down my job now, but 3 years ago, before I was medicated, I was well enough to graduate with my master's degree in Computer Science, despite struggling immensely with my symptoms. If I never went to grad school and instead decided to get my Master's now, I'm certain I would flunk out.

I think meds have messed me up for sure. I'm more stable now than I was back then, but my concentration and memory are just off, so I'd argue that I'm worse off in that respect. It sounds like you're in the same boat.

I'm fortunate that I got my bipolar diagnosis very quickly, even though (like you) I was initially diagnosed with MDD. Took me 3 years to get the bipolar diagnosis, which I suppose is very quick compared to a lot of people who get diagnosed with bipolar. Lots of psychiatrists are ignorant and/or don't believe us when we tell them the truth. (I told my first psychiatrist the 100% truth, but he still didn't believe me.)