I feel your mental distress over all this. I can't believe how hard you push yourself, that is just uncalled for. Your story is compelling.

I wish I could tell you how to get control of that, but sadly, can't and I'm sorry to disappoint. Just know you sound like a superhero to me to have gone through all you have so far.

Hugs to you and best wishes. You are a good one, yagr! Hope the superhero syndrome dissipates and you realize you are HUMAN.