You aren't messed up, NP. You've been through a horrible ordeal, and years of abuse before that. If your therapist, or anyone else, thinks that you'll magically get better, they don't understand how trauma works. I think your therapist is doing the best he can in a miserable situation. I agree with feral. You need a great deal of care right now, and that's okay. You deserve to be cared for.

When I posted what I did, it was in no way related to what you're going through. I'm struggling to figure out my own therapist's motivations for encouraging outside contact. Sorry if the exchange was hurtful.