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Originally Posted by ruh roh
Thanks. I feel better that I'm not the only one whose therapist applauds the fact that I am not drooling. She's said that other people/couples are not as happy as they seem, but then backtracked later and said she wasn't saying people aren't happy. She does encourage me to connect with others, but they are the usual suspects--neighbors and co-workers--and it's just not all that fulfilling. Una is kind of right when she says some of it may be my therapist's sense that I will end up in more bad situations until I get myself in order, but time is running out and she will be retiring in less time than I've been in therapy--we are on the downslope.
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I hear you on the fulfilling bit.
Blondie’s suggestion has been that if I join some sort of activity, I’d get to know people over time and then somehow have deeper connections.
I know that’s totally logical except it’s the opposite of how my brain functions.
Part of my issue — and I don’t know if this is true for you — has been a craving for intensity in all relationships.
That’s partly coming from a place of effed-up-ness — there is quite a bit written on how trauma of certain sorts predisposes one to feel bored when nothing adrenaline-spiking is happening (and I can see similar patterns in how I tend to work as well — best under deadline pressure or I find myself gawdawfully bored).
But, maybe that’s also partly cultural vestiges (the idea that you could hang out for hours on end, sipping tea, with someone you just met and discuss pretty much everything under the sun is kinda something deeply ingrained — and, it’s not like I haven’t done that here but it’s been rather rare).
So, I don’t know — I’ve found it interesting that as people grow older, they’re seemingly far less discriminating in who they hang out with. Pretty much anyone who agrees to hang out, has somewhat similar interests and is willing to carry on a conversation is the bar it seems. This is also true as I’ve noticed for people who are coupled (and who you’d think have a lot of other options).
And, in that sense, I’ve noticed that things that would’ve upset me greatly — things I’ve sort of said and done to other folks — actually seem to roll off people’s backs (or maybe not but seems like it) and they’re willing to let the fact that there was / is something resembling a connection between us, be the primary motivating force to reach out to me (for which of course, I am immensely grateful).
I guess I also wonder then if I’m — given how my life hasn’t followed a sort of typical path in terms of relationships— sort of holding on to a version of me that I’d have otherwise moved away from, were I to have followed a similar path to my peers.
I don’t know — I find myself examining people like an alien species and am rather puzzled a lot, I should say.