Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
Those vague, short answers are social cue. They are a signal. They mean “Hey, I don't want to talk about this now.” She got irritated with you because you missed that signal and pressed ahead with more questions. Something similar apparently happened when you asked her about youtubers.
Perhaps this is why Jessica feels nervous around you. But whether it is or not, in my opinion you would be wise to back off when people signal to you that they don’t want to speak about something.
Given that she can speak freely and naturally with a manager, I am skeptical that she has social anxiety.
You can’t “make” Jessica feel comfortable around you. However, you could change your style of questioning and see whether or not, over time, that makes a difference in how she reacts to you. You could tell her that you’ve been thinking and you realize that sometimes you ask too many questions. You could apologize for that and promise to do better.
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When talking to Jessica about the convention, I suppose her telling me that there were no highlights may have been a signal that she didn't want to talk about the convention. When I asked her about the convention, she was playing a video game on the break room TV, so she may have been wanting to focus on that. I will try not to ask too many questions if she gives me short/vague answers like she did before. It is a difficult situation, though, because all I'm trying to do is get to know her and I at least need to ask some questions to get to know her better. When I asked her about Youtubers that night, she didn't get irritated, she just had a hard time thinking of which Youtubers she watches, but I agree that this was probably a signal that she didn't want to talk about Youtubers. Part of the issue here is that because I don't work in her department and because I only see her at this point, about 1-2 times per week, I don't get much of an opportunity to have conversations with her. That is why when I did get opportunities to talk with her, I would ask more questions than I normally do. I was trying to establish a connection with her so that it would be easier to talk to her in the future.
I know you are skeptical that Jessica has social anxiety but having observed her over the course of 5 months and as someone with a background in Psychology and who has social anxiety, I see signs of it in her. Remember, when I walked into her department to get that vacuum, her mouth was shaking when she turned around to talk to me. That is social anxiety. I can't think of anything I could have done to make her so nervous that her mouth would be shaking as our interactions were pretty basic prior to that and had only known her for a few weeks at that point. There are a few other reasons why I think she has social anxiety. With the way that she walks, she sort of carries herself like she is self conscious. Another example, one night I was at the register talking to my co-worker, Jessica walks up and says "I'm bored", my co-worker and I stop talking for a second to acknowledge Jessica's presence and then before we can start talking to her, Jessica says "okay", smiles, and walks back to her department. I would say this social anxiety because I think she felt awkward in that moment, couldn't handle the awkwardness and decided to leave. In addition, our first conversation went very well but just about every conversation I had with Jessica after that, she seemed nervous. That is all I can really say; she gives off a nervous energy that I sense. She doesn't have social anxiety around the people in her department because she has been working with them for the past 2 years. Most people are not going to have social anxiety around co-workers that they have worked in close proximity with for 2 years. I think Jessica is able to talk with the managers easily for the same reason; she has known them for 2 years. I don't know if she doesn't have social anxiety with the people from other departments that aren't managers because she doesn't interact with them very much.