I am a 20 year-old female. I'm in University right now pursuing a Bachelor's.

I've been researching Aspergers' and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASDs) for the past two or so months. There were points in time when I got super obsessed with it... (not a first obsession of mine). After finding myself relating to quite a few of the symptoms, I mentioned it to my family doctor / GP. She basically said that I don't need the label. I complained about problems with relationships and social interactions and she told me to practice some more and come back in half a year if I still had these issues. Now I'm stuck trying to decide if I should get a second opinion on this from my University's counseling services or not. I'm quite anxious about how they might react, especially after my doctor's "rejection".

So here are the things from my life that I think are relevant to ASD:

Social:
- When I was just starting school (age 6), I had a friend who manipulated me to do what she wanted me to do and I genuinely believed we were friends.

- When I was 9-10, I found both of my closest friends being best friends with someone else, so I didn't have a best friend. I also didn't spend much time hanging out with friends because they didn't invite me much. I thought my friends hung out more with each-other than with me. I didn't keep in touch with friends from school during summer break.

(I immigrated to Canada when I was close to 13).

- I didn't really have friends in high school. The conversations I had with my "friends" were all only about school. I didn't hang out with anyone outside of school. I didn't keep in touch with or hang out with anyone over summer break. When I was in a small private school in grades 9-11, I probably had a pretty bad reputation because my neighbor, whom I knew from my previous school, didn't talk to me at school and the new people at school that I started to make friends with lost interest in me soon after.

- I haven't made any meaningful or close connections at university. All of my relationships feel like I am trying to put on a show for the other person. As a result, I feel like they are getting emotional gratification out of it while I am not. There are rare occasions on which I do express my true thoughts, which are often regarded as weird.

- Direct eye contact at close distance is impossible for me. It's too overwhelming and I can't maintain it for longer than a fraction of a second.

- My mom thought I didn't have emotions when I was a teenager... (I was trying to hide them). My therapist said my face (or just me in general) isn't very expressive.

- I feel like I often don't know what face to make or how to react (I have to think through the situation and make a conscious decision). I make inappropriate faces or have inappropriate reactions spontaneously (I think they're right, so they happen without me making a conscious decision).

Special interests:
- I sometimes get obsessed with a topic of interest (like Asperger's Syndrome or Bipolar Disorder) and I research it for hours on end without breaks. These obsessions last from one day to weeks.

- I have been obsessed with more skill-based things as well, like singing and playing guitar. There was one day when I sang for 5 hours in a row and then sang some more for another two hours. The intensity of these interests tends to pass, although the general interest remains.

- I get more energy when I am pursuing my current topic of interest to the point of having trouble falling asleep.

- I always pay 100% of my attention to the thing I'm doing. For example, I can't hear when I'm reading. So when I'm reading, I often don't realise that someone is talking to me until they have been talking for a couple of minutes...

Sensory:
- When I was a child, I found a lot of clothing to be irritating. I would throw tantrums when my mom would put tights or socks on me. I could NOT deal with wearing a T-shirt under a jacket with tighter sleeves because the T-shirt sleeves would get crumbled up and irritate me. I had to have clothing tags removed because they were very irritating to my skin. Now, I can handle these things better, but I still prefer comfortable clothing and no clothing tags.

- I'm not sure if these are a problem, but... I tend to close my ears due to loud sounds when others are fine. I can't stand bright screens in dark rooms and I usually keep the brightness on my electronics just bright enough to be able to see.

- I have trouble distinguishing voices that I'm trying to listen to in a loud environment. Sometimes others' loud conversations (that I'm not part of) distract me and I can't help but listen to them. I think I hear everything all at once, especially when I'm trying to listen to something (If I'm listening to one thing, I'm listening to everything). This is one of the reasons why I often zone out and try to escape into my own little world because I "can't hear" when I'm thinking.

Intellectual:
- I started talking quite early, but I had trouble with reading. My reading skills were a concern in first and second grade. I had (and still kind of have) trouble with "mental math". I have to picture the numbers and line them up in my head to do math, which is tedious, time-consuming and error-prone. I was also bad at word problems in elementary school, but they're no problem now. I've been pretty good at algebra since high school though.

- I had some trouble with reading comprehension in high school. I doubt this was due to my English, but that is a slight possibility. I think I have trouble with figuring out characters' intentions sometimes.

- I'm pretty successful at university, so my intelligence is above average... I just don't know what was the deal with my bad grades in the first four years of school. I had two seizures when I was around 3 and I was on medication for those until I was 9, so maybe that was the reason...., but it's all a mystery that I wish I had the answer to.

Well, if you actually read all of that, BRAVO! and thank you. Sorry that this post is so long.

On a final note, I know no one but a professional can diagnose me, but this rant will be good to help me compile my thoughts into one place. I welcome any suggestions about whether I should pursue a diagnosis and whether I should talk to my university's counselors or my doctor once again.