thanks Clyde... it matters that im being heard here...

about the mom... the daughters mom... she was always distant in the family.. kind of the one none of us understood... she lived away from us... got onto fringe group spirituality... lived in ways the rest of us thought was different and unusual...

i connected with her cause i felt 'out there' myself... just needing understanding, connection... to know i belonged somewhere...

i made a choice... i didnt feel right about her outsider status and wanted to boost her feelings of connectedness.. i began to talk with her more, listen to her ideas...

she carried a lot of conflicting beliefs... some i would not follow, some i did... just to show she was understood, included, cared about..

i do feel i failed in ways...