Hi McKell. Your use of the word "demand" throws me. It seems hostile. I think if we demand love, affection, caring from someone, it just makes them withdraw. It is better to give it space to exist rather than force it to be. Maybe it is not there, so how can you force it? Do you want the other person to fake it for you? Part of my interpretation of this, I think, is my own faulty mindset and reflective of my lack of success in relationships, so maybe just ignore what I said!

I remember on many occasions in the first 6 months or so of therapy, my T would talk about relationships and interactions. He would say how the one person says they are hurt by something the other one does, the other one clarifies and gathers information on this by talking to the first person, then apologizes when he realizes how what he did hurt the other person. This was just alien to me because I would put myself and my husband in the place of the people he was talking about, and it just didn't work. I can't tell my husband I'm hurt because he doesn't care and won't apologize! I felt like I couldn't force us to fit into this box of a healthy relationship that T described. I think that helped me understand how truly awful my relationship was, how one-sided. Later, when my H joined me in therapy, T saw for himself and then understood why I could not relate to his relationship anecdotes.

I think the best thing if you and your H want to improve your relationship is for the both of you to go to therapy together so you can work together on communication and relationship. Your husband does not know how to respond to you when you "demand" reciprocation or caring from him. In therapy, he could learn how, and then both of you could practice on each other while T observes and coaches you. My T teaches these skills to couples, and probably most skilled family therapists could provide similar.

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The problem here is WE STILL HAVEN"T REALLY DISCUSSED anything. And the same thing is likely to occur again in a few days.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I am sure your H does not want to discuss this. He will view such discussion as a way he is being criticized or blamed or told he is wrong. Whereas you see such discussion as trying to improve the relationship and draw closer to your H, it will just seem like criticism to him. Couples therapy might help.

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Is there a limit to your tolerance for repeat offenses before you say...' your an *** and I don't want to have a relationship with you anymore'?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">For me, it took about 23 years to reach my limit, but I think I am a slow learner.