Triggering..........







I "trust" no one... and I say "sorry" to no one any longer for my eating disorder...to my family... to my friends IRL...

I am DONE...

I did not ask to be sexually abused.. I did not ask to be physically abused.. I did not ask to take care of my mom.. all of my lfietime.. while.. she knew my dad was sexually abusing me..

I did not ask to have 8 funerals in 2 years.. I did not ask to have two breast lumps in 2 years.. I did not ask to head up an impossible project at work.. visible to the.. whole of the company.. I did not ask.. to have my son.. in and out of the hospital... I did not ask to make life and death decisions on my mother... I did not ask to go thru her surgery.. I did not ask her to have althiemers..I did not ask for her to die.. I did not ask for my father to die.. I did not ask to be laid off...I did not ask to have to sell my house.. I did not ask to have to buy another house to keep my son.. in ths school district..I did not ask.. to have to buy a house that needed plumbing.. and painting.. and work.. to make it a home for my son...I learned how to do all this.. I had no choice BUT I did not ask for it...... I did not ask to stay in an abusive work environment to keep my insurance for.. my son..I did not ask.. to find another job.. where.. I had to do public speaking.. my major phobia in life.. I didn't ask to have a man harses me in my work place...I did not ask..to have no income for 2 years.. and live by the Grace of God.. and my savings....I did not ask for the tension.. the fear.. the just awlfulness.. I did not ask.. to have to deal with the death of my abuser...

I ASKED... for NONE of these things.. yet.. I stood up... I coped.. I did it without.. anyone... I survived...

For.. my family.. for my friends IRL.... you try going thru those experiences.. in a -2-3 year time - AND.. you see how you do.. and NO fair... asking for help from your family.. NO fair asking for help from your spouse... YOU... do it alone... and YOU... do THAT... then.. YOU... come back to me... and tell me... HOW.. you did...

My developing an eating disorder was NOT... done to inconvience you... to make YOU... unhappy... it was not developed to look better.. IT.. allowed me to cope.. to survive.. to get up every morning.. and take care of YOU...

SOOOOOOOOOO.. leave ME... alone... my family.. my IRL friends..

I declare Freewill... and FREEDOM...

I say... sorry... to no one.... if you had cared... if you had listened.. if you had helped... just maybe.. I would not have embrassed you.. by having an eating disorder...

YOU THINK????



It is true.. I am in "recovery".. I will recover... I am recovering.. I am doing it............... finally............... after all these years..

I say "sorry"... to no one.....................

I Trust NO one... I live My life now... as of this moment.. saying sorry.. to No one...