that's truly heavy stuff...It kind of reminds me of the story told about mother teresa recently,how she said in her letters that she went for years without hearing from the Lord. From my personal perspective, I have to feel as though I'm moving ahead in my faith,( I don't think we ever really stand still) I know that I have to draw close to him and when I feel as if my joy has gone awol I look back at the events and circumstances and search out where I let the enemy slip in a lie on me. you mentioned un-realistic expectations, I don't know specifically what you mean but considering your maturity as a believer I would say that you are feeling like what was once such a vital living relationship you had with Christ has changed and you're wondering if this is to be expected or if its "un-realistic" to expect to have the same zeal for the ministry you once did. It's kind of like a marriage is'nt it? we get back out of it what we put into it and many of us just for whatever reason stop. well, I've hijacked sky's thread and I apoligize to her for that, and for my chains...I hope something helped