These thoughts of self hate are too intense . I feel like I don't deserve to live because I am so useless and pathetic . What use can I be to anybody when I can't even help myself get out of the trap I'm stuck in ? When I die I'll probably go straight to hell because I don't deserve to go to heaven as I'm so useless .
My brother told my mum that depression is selfish . I don't know what he meant but I do wonder if it's my fault I'm depressed , maybe it's easier to stay depressed than to fight through it . But I have no fight in me . I don't know what to do anymore. If only I could get a sign from God that I'm not alone , that he cares , that there's hope . Or maybe he has given up on me like I gave up on myself