Quote:
Originally Posted by CepheidVariable
You know it's always okay to vent here.
No idea if this helps you, but in my experience "toughening up" is a hugely counter-productive strategy for this stuff. That's for the usual tribulations, not severe distress. I find it doesn't give strength and calm, but belittles and berates yourself. But I know how tempting it is. I'm sorry everything is so awful. In my opinion it's more "grown up" to find a more gentle way while still pushing yourself forward. I'm still working on that myself.
Well, possibly completely unrelated, but ....
That can happen to me when I'm in a terrible hurting mood. It's like, "Don't interrupt me! Can't you see I'm busy ruminating on this horrific mood? I don't *want* to feel better right now! I need to ineffectually wallow in this! [Snarl, Snap]" Not very rational of course. But, you know -- emotions.
Withdrawing, isolating, snapping at people -- unfortunately all pretty common for depression and severe emotional distress. I know your situation is complicated and you're doing the medication and therapy. I wish I had something more useful to say.
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What you said pretty much sums it up. I can be sick with anything and I get snippy over taking care of it. I don't know why. I just wish that people didn't push so much when I get like this. It's hard enough as is without people deciding, "Hey, let's have this serious discussion about something that always gets us to argue anyway, while you're telling me that you can't deal with this right now." I just need some space and I don't think I'm asking for too much there.
Being honest, I haven't been medicated for nearly three months. I've finally started adjusting to it, though unsuccessful at times (obviously), and making it my 'normal' again. Not being medicated really isn't by choice. I can't afford the meds and insurance is refusing to cover it. Therapy has been a bust, as of late. I'm sort of at odds with my T over a diagnosis he wants to label me with, and I don't agree with it.
I'm realizing more and more that my irritability and irrationality have gotten increasingly worse without my medication. I've also noticed that I'm less inclined to do anything about it the more it continues. It's just like, what's the point, you know? Nothing's going to improve. I think I've "improved" as much as I'm mentally capable and this is where I land.