Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingontheinside
These thoughts of self hate are too intense . I feel like I don't deserve to live because I am so useless and pathetic . What use can I be to anybody when I can't even help myself get out of the trap I'm stuck in ? When I die I'll probably go straight to hell because I don't deserve to go to heaven as I'm so useless .
My brother told my mum that depression is selfish . I don't know what he meant but I do wonder if it's my fault I'm depressed , maybe it's easier to stay depressed than to fight through it . But I have no fight in me . I don't know what to do anymore. If only I could get a sign from God that I'm not alone , that he cares , that there's hope . Or maybe he has given up on me like I gave up on myself
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I get those thoughts and feelings too. Like, I don't deserve the air I'm breathing. I've heard that a way to combat it is by taking all of your worse mistakes (the ones that you feel are impossible to redeem yourself from) and then pretend like someone else did it. Now, would you say they don't deserve compassion or heaven or at least some forgiveness?
Ignorance runs rampant in the world of those who don't suffer from depression. No one would ever be like this by choice. This misery and self-loathing isn't something you'd willingly sign up for. How you feel with this disorder, it isn't your fault. And a lot of it is the disorder itself making you think and believe this way.