And the stupid thoughts/desires that were rejected are still there and sometimes to an intense level, how do you handle it?

I won't discuss it further with him, no point. I don't need to be rejected again and nothing will change. I have no one in real life I can talk to about stuff like this but him and my dog. I journal, it helps some but feelings and thoughts are annoying and come back randomly.

I find myself in general just feeling stronger and stronger with things about him each passing day and of course I love the friend like relationship we have but it also fuels these thoughts/desires. However, if he was to pull back or change, I could not handle it. I'd lose so much trust in him.

So, I'm stuck. Talking to him about it, is a for sure no. Saying, let's change how things are with us is also a no. Sadly erasing my mind is a no...or I totally would.
When I'm there in person with him, none of this stuff bothers me, it's when I'm away and WANT to be with him more... it's a cycle I can't get my mind to stop doing. Also don't suggest a new T, because no. Maybe there is no actual options other than to suffer. Just wish it was easier to deal with somehow.