I think it took me 3 hours to write this. I found myself shaking, crying, and actually whimpering for a while. I think it was a nice relief.

I didn't think an inability to function socially could have so much affect on me, but it's consumed my life completely. It's been a good 5 years really. I think I came to the realization that I watched myself get progressively worse.

I've never had a close relationship to anyone. Not even family. Which I feel guilty over, but I can't help it. I had no one to tell my thoughts to, and no one to comfort me through tough times.

It's brushed off a lot since I'm 17. I could honestly scream in front of someone "please help me" and they'll just say grow up. I can't find anyone who cares. So I guess I started crying tonight because I thought about my future, or maybe a lack thereof. I've gone to dark places before, and I can't help but think I'll either commit suicide, or become some kind of addict.

The thought really set me off. I'm afraid of getting older because I'm scared of what will come of me next. I know my emotional control sucks, so I can only imagine.