Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas
Exactly. And then I end up feeling guilty non-stop afterwards because I know they didn't deserve that. On top of that, I have a real problem with playing the situation over and over in my head even years after it happened, with everytime it plays over I feel fresh guilt all over again. And then people wonder why I "isolate" and shut myself away. I just don't want to hurt them and then uncontrollably obsess over it later.
I appreciate that. Thank you.
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Ah, ruminations - yeah, I know well how that plays out (to exhaustion and beyond). You later write that you've been off meds for some time, so the one thing I would say, is that for me at least, the meds really helped reduce the amount of time that I now spend ruminating - still do it, but I can now usually settle on "Ah well, screwed-up again" and then move on before entering the infinite negative feedback loop of doom.
The snappish outbreaks are one of those thiings almost impossible to explain to anyone who hasn't been there themselves, but if I sense that I've really confused/upset someone (who didn't deserve it), I try to later let them know that they caught me at a bad moment.