This is so weird and I don't want it to happen again. My ex came over so I could give her the files we had once shared. I felt like being talkative, so we talked. A very long time. I was very uncomfortable the whole time. Hugely uncomfortable, but I kind of let it go or maybe hid it but I let her stay so we could talk anyway. I also rarely talk to anyone more than a few minutes. At one point I did explain some things that led up to the divorce and she had totally missed them being problems. No surprises. I feel cheap and like it was the worst thing I could do to have her in my personal home, even though we didn't do anything but talk. I did make her a grilled cheese because I was also starving. It's almost like I want to be friends with her, but I so much don't want that. I was nervous, so much that when she went to get her drink from the car, I vomited a little bit. We didn't eat for over an hour after that. There was nothing in the puke, because I hadn't eaten in several hours. I didn't tell her about puking. Somehow she's a better person now, which is great for her and my kids, but I'm wondering how much better and if she really is at all. There's been changes, and most of them are good. I'm really not coping with having let her just hang out. I don't know what I'm dealing with and am hoping someone out there has some wisdom for this. It all feels wrong, but lately several things are starting to feel wrong and they aren't truly wrong things, but feel that way.
We did hug on her way out but that's not happening again. It made me feel sick again and I want to vomit but also don't want to.
If anyone knows anything, lil help?