Hi Sweetie;
First of all, I notice you use the word 'should' a lot. As if you have this
impossibly long list of rules. May I suggest you begin to eliminate a
few of these rules?
For example, you have a rule about only sleeping eight hours. Why? If your body needs nine hours or ten or only six, isn't that a better indicator of how long you should sleep? And when you are mired in a depression, as you are right now, and you are taking meds, why would
you expect to be able to jump out of bed all bright eyed and bushy tailed? No one in your situation can do that, sweetie. So maybe that is another rule you can eliminate.
Take an hour to wake up. Have coffee in bed. Go online for half an hour. Do some writing. Make your list for the day. And celebrate everything
you accomplish.
I just see so much of myself in you and the way I used to be. Until I
finally realized I don't have to be perfect. And not having those expectations of yourself is so freeing. Because without all the shoulds,
you don't have to beat yourself up anymore.
I wrote those two threads for you, about finding solutions but never
received any indication if you got anything out of it. Its okay. I don't
require validation. I will keep trying to help and offer suggestions because it is helping me at the same time.
Here are a few more tips for housework. Since I haven't gotten anything
done in the past three days, except taking care of my cat, I have a lot
to do today as well. (But I did enjoy myself-watchinh movies, taking
naps and playing with my cat; stuffing my face and just being lazy. Once upon a time I would have allowed my inner critic to beat me up and call me a lazy slob. Instead I chose to celebrate mg indolence so
I wouldn't miss one minute of the fun!)
I know its a radical way of looking at it, especially when you've been
dogged your entire life for not being perfect. But maybe it's time to get
the toxic people out of your life. I find the phrase f*** off works well.
So--use your kitchen timer. Set it for 15 minutes and work like the
devil. When it goes off--stop! Set it for 30 and just play. Do that a few
times and you will be amazed at how much you get done!
Hope this helps sweetie. I have more tips but I'm worn out.
Have a wonderful birthday. And please, be patient with yourself.

Love, Flower