</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mckell13 said:
How do you discuss or debate or problem-solve with someone who immediately thinks all alternate perspectives are direct attacks against him personally. The desire to engage in truth seeking, to separate yourself from an issue, and to remain open minded are necessary dispositions for any type of problem-solving.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It's too much for you to change this in him. He needs professional help. Counseling.

I read an article online recently on why in most cases women are the ones who initiate divorces and an outline of the classic demise of such a marriage. I remember one thing it said was that in the end, long after the woman has been unhappy for years and given up trying everything she can to try to save the marriage and finally decides to get a divorce, the man says, "I didn't know you were so unhappy." This article seemed to suggest that women should give the ultimatum earlier in the marriage. "Either ____________ or I'm leaving the marriage." Fill in the blank with "you change how you treat me" or "we go see a therapist and get help" or whatever the case may be. I certainly didn't do this with my husband. About 10 years ago, I asked him to go for marriage counseling, he said no, and I just accepted it. Waited another 10 years to get my divorce. Why didn't I stand firmer back then and say you better come with me or else this is over? Who knows, I had an infant and toddler and was scared. I never gave him the ultimatum until way, way too late, and by then it wasn't an ultimatum, it was more like, "I am so miserable I am leaving the marriage now and there is nothing that can be done."

I know there is a lot of "me" wrapped up in this response, and I'm sorry for turning the topic. McKell, so much of what you write about really calls for professional help--a really good marriage counselor. Are you going to accept "no" for an answer from your husband? If you told him that not going to counseling spells the end of the marriage, would he change his mind? Could he be one of those "I didn't know you were so unhappy" kind of husbands?

(((((mckell)))))