Well, I am completely out of my old place and somewhat moved in. Things just get worse. I had to do 90% of the move out, cleaning, move in by myself and am exhausted but I have so much work to do.

The interior is now painted several beautiful greys and blues and my room is a nice looking 2 wall ombre accent wall with three colors blending into a nice gradient. The interior designer did an amazing job picking out colors that I like and match me well but are not too dark or heavy. Of course, the painting job became way too much for me to handle. I kept getting dizzy and falling off my ladder and my living room ceiling is 18 feet up, so I hired a professional painter to do it on his off hours. I did the ombre part. The whole project cost about $1800. I still need to get the trim and doors done but I feel that is something I can do slowly over time.

I got rid of the ugly florescent light in my kitchen and put in 4 super nice LED lights and a pendant over the sink. My grand daughters aunt in laws father is a licensed electrician and did it for $250. I couldn't hire a random one to do that for 3x that so it is relatively cheap and the lights were maybe $100. On the plus side I am now friendly with him and his wife. I guess that is a plus.

I needed a lawn mower, weed wacker, dandelion killer, fertilizer, spreader, etc. More money and a never ending job. It isn't bad though, 40 minutes or so and gets me fresh air. I got a reel mower so no nasty exhaust since it has no engine.

Drapes, a new computer desk, tools, etc added a lot more money. I swear I have spent more money on this not including mortgage and utilities than I spend in a typical year(not including my rent). I am still okay financially but seeing my reduced account balance causes untold anxiety.

And I still need a couch, TV and I want to replace the 10 year old carpets and put in a tankless heater and a bunch of minor repairs that I can do but will add up fast. Plus, there is a small section of roof that is prone to moss so I have to get on the roof and take care of it. That will be an adventure. How many times will I fall off the roof and how long will my hospital stay be? I should start a neighborhood pool and make a little cash.

Oh yeah, I had to replace the exterior locks for 4 doors at $70 a pop. At least they are far more secure than what was on it.

I already killed a bunch of plants. Not a shock since I struggle keeping cactus alive. I lost my jalapenos, habeneros and Thai peppers but at least my scotch bonnets are still growing.

The move out about killed me. My stress levels have been off the charts for over a month and still haven't calmed down. I lived in the old place for almost 11 years. Raised two kids there through there teen years and have had grandkids stomping through. Happily, they said the flooring condition will be ignored since I had been there so long it has to be replaced regardless. I really stressed it badly and I have been out a week and still don't know the exact amount I might have to pay. It is up to the manager but the maintenance guy was happy with the condition and the damage he wrote down was less than my deposit but I haven't heard from them and it is killing me.

Worse, I fell way behind in my move and ended up hiring a cleaning lady who did less than half what she said in twice the time and left me with a lot to scrub down and less than 24 hours to do it. Talk about stress. The townhouse is 1500 square feet and I had to clean all the walls, the 2 bathrooms, the storage room and most of the kitchen. I got hardly any sleep and what sleep I got was on a hard floor and it did not help my anxiety or seizures. I was shaking like a leaf when I was checking out and could barely talk. I have been exhausted since then but still have so much...

I think this was a mistake. I like the neighborhood but I should have gotten a new build I was dragging my feet on. I was iffy because they didn't install a fence or landscape the backyard but I could pick paint colors, type of flooring and came with tankless water heater and recessed lighting and everything else I wanted and would all be installed as part of construction. So instead of a brand new house with basically 2 things on my todo list, I have a 10 year old house with 10,000 things.

I am very happy that there is no HOA or CC&R's to worry about. So I won't have to face an angry mob or face fines and possible liens if I fall behind in yard work. I got lucky there, it was the only place I found that wasn't full of old houses and stupid rules and committees.

I really miss my realtor, she has called a few times. I think she is concerned I am not going to survive this. I just can't summon the courage to ask her out to lunch or whatever.

What stinks is that I am home all day and neighborhood moms try and say hi and talk to me. I don't want them to know I am a pathetic unsocial weirdo, although they can probably tell, so I fake my way through it. I am already weird since I am by far the oldest person that I have seen in the immediate area. It is all very young families. My grand daughter loves it though.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am just cursing my good fortune since the VA put me in a really nice position financially because I suck. I realize that so many people like me weren't lucky enough to have their crap happen while in the military which is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me outside my kids and grandkids.

I feel bad whining about it but my MH issues are through the roof and my neuro issues as well. Epic headaches also. I cancelled routine appointments at the VA hospital and pushed them back a few months because I am afraid I will get tossed into the psych ward.

Either my house is haunted by many angry ghosts or my psychosis is raging which is why this is a long rambling, incoherent mess of a post. If you made it this far, I am very sorry for it.