Dear T,
Sorry I'm being so annoying with making sure that you kept me on the schedule for Friday. It's partly because you said "have a good week," so I was afraid maybe you'd thought I wanted Monday instead of Friday (rather than instead of Tuesday). Thanks for confirming, btw. But it's also that I feel sad right now (maybe due to PhD thing?) and kinda scared about my relationship with you. Because you've seemed so caring and keep making it right when you screw up, which should be good things. And they are. But still I'm scared that you'll ultimately hurt me. I think we need to process some of the ex-MC stuff more, because I think that's what's really behind my fears. A friend said how it was like I suffered a trauma with him, and that rang true for me, so maybe we need to address it more in that way.

Hm, and maybe because I also feel like I'm probably ultimately getting rejected from the PhD program, yet they're just waiting to tell me. So maybe that ties into all of this, too. Like I got my hopes up again with that when they interviewed me. Maybe in some ways it's like I'm getting my hopes up about you, too, like maybe you can really help me (well, more than you already have!) and maybe we can have a good therapeutic relationship that doesn't end with me getting hurt.

I guess we need to talk about transference stuff, too. You may have noticed that I started touching on that yesterday, in reference to the "I'm a lot older than you, honey" comment, but then when you asked me to explain it more, I ran away from the topic like a jackrabbit. All "never mind, I'm not sure I can really explain it." When really, it was fear. And I think I needed to confirm we'd still have Friday's session so I can talk about this with you then (and knowing I'd then see you a few days after that, on Monday, to continue the conversation if need be).
Hm, maybe I should just print this out and hand it to you Friday...or part of it, because it's kind of a lot!
Love you,
LT