Why am I so angry about her making positive choices, things that while we were together "never gonna change?" I'm so p---ed off that now she's quit smoking, taking care of her health, giving a ----! I didn't start good self-care until I knew it was over by working on me either, but how can I be so mad at her about it that I feel like vomiting or actually do? I slept last night with some flashbacks when awake and exceedingly fearful dreams. I feel like I've had a panic attack all night long and even have that panic smell, kind of like hot steel meeting cold rubber briefly, sulphurous and sweaty. It looks like she's just become an act, and not an intention, but the intention looks to be there too. Please don't judge this next sentence but help me figure it out. As much as my kids and grandkids deserve better, I don't trust that she is better at all.