It kills me because I do love him, and I do care about him but I have to start thinking about myself and the type of emotional damage these outbursts are causing me. Just this morning he made me show him my cellphone because he didn't believe that I was really texting my employer something. I've pushed away a lot of my friends because he thinks something happened with them and he just kind of scoffs at me when I tell him no, nothing did. I am afraid to even call people anymore without deleting my call log because I fear him going into my phone. I think he did very recently, because he asked me what was up with one of the people I know and if something was going on with him. There was literally no reason to bring it up other than that he had saw my call log.

The entire incident left me shaking. There is no rhyme or reason for his behavior, and I have to accept that his reasoning is imaginary. I didn't shut my phone off and put it down to talk to him because I was hiding anything...it was in his head. He takes what he takes from certain situations and unless he realizes that his behavior is irrational I can't help him. Part of me feels like I cause it because he had a very long term relationship prior to me that he insists was wonderful and normal and that I am the problem.

But I guess part of that is learning to not internalize abuse, and understanding his perceptions of things are skewed and he most likely did have issues with her he isn't forthcoming with.