[Yikes super long rant ahead. Also I'm a jerk but at least I'm a self-aware jerk?]

Ack couch I just mentioned to my roommate that I was thinking of going on some kinda outside adventure today b/c I'm off work this afternoon and she asked if she could come along. That is like the last thing I am interested in.

My roommate and I are a good match in that we share cooking/chores well and are friendly with each other and don't throw loud parties... but she is a very neurotic grad student and is *always* complaining about stuff that I have a difficult time empathizing with, especially when I am not doing well. (E.g. I had just come home from a month-long hospitalization and like 30 minutes after I hit the door she was telling me about this email her advisor sent her. Or I'll walk in the door straight from the ICU and like literally still have blood on my shoes and she'll say, "omg I think my advisor likes this other person in my cohort more than me can you believe what she said" to which I have the desire to respond, "dude someone died in front of my face like 45 minutes ago I need a second before I can give a s*** about this.") And she seems incapable of talking about anything else--all conversations eventually lead to an analysis of her place on the academic totem pole, or complaints about how she has it harder than the rest of her cohort. And she is the sort of person who NEVER EVER SHUTS UP--sometimes on the weekends we'll have breakfast together and our record is THREE HOURS of her talking. Literally the only way to get her to stop is to be like "okay I have to go now" and physically leave the room--no hints are ever taken. (I think part of the problem is that she only has to go into campus one day a week and gets lonely and bored doing work at home alone.)

I know that comparing one person's suffering to another is Not Productive. So I therefore fully acknowledge that saying this makes me a Bad Person... but her problems seem pretty low-stakes compared to whether or not I die or whether or not my patients die. I know that academia is really important to her b/c it is her livelihood (and I have some ability to empathize b/c academic medicine is not without its interpersonal crap), but it takes a lot of psychological gymnastics for me to get to a place where I can be truly compassionate about it.

And frankly I do emotional labor all freaking day at my job and therefore don't have any more to give when I get home.... and it's not like she's my SO or anything; I don't have an obligation to be involved in her emotional life. (And I never ever talk with her about real personal issues--sometimes she gets nosy and asks but I don't get into it with her.)

So no I do not want to bring her along with me on a hike or whatever and listen to her complain. (And like what kind of person invites herself to stuff???) I guess my options are to a) not tell her in the future when I do stuff like this so she can't try to invite herself b) 'nad up and tell her I'd rather go alone c) ask her to stop spilling her guts to me b/c I am not in a place where I can be compassionate about it d) all of the above.

[HAHAHAAAA oh dear--in this post I'm doing the EXACT SAME THING my roommate does--complaining about something dumb among people with Actual Legitimate Problems, and being extremely longwinded. They say the things that bother you in others are the things you dislike about yourself...]