Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSadGirl
I've known my friend since high school (20 years). We hated each other back then. High school drama and all that. My husband also went to high school with me and was friends with this friend. After our first child was born he set up coffee with me and her and we hit it off. We became very best friends. I had my 3rd child on her birthday and she spent the evening in the hospital with me. I was there when she was battling cancer. We've laughed and cried together. She is more than a friend, she is family.
The last couple years have been rough as she has a lot going on and I've been struggling badly with my mental health. I was on the psych ward back in sept/Oct and she visited me once. I haven't seen her since. I texted her merry Christmas and she said it back. We haven't spoken at all since. Not even interacting on Facebook.
I have borderline personality disorder. I am working with a therapist to manage my thoughts an emotions. I was hurt so I sent her a text saying I missed her and asking if we were still friends or if she had moved on. I got zero response for 24 hours so I sent her a Facebook message asking if she got my text. She said she did, she was busy and she can't use her phone at work but she would send me a message later.
It's been 3 days since the first message. Reverse the situation and there is no way I would let one of my friends go 3 days feeling uncertain about our friendship.
So I know I have BPD. I know I'm extremely emotional. I know I have abandonment issues and I react strongly from hurt. So I'm asking for your opinion. What would you do in my shoes?
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First on the surface I would say I agree with others in relation to the idea that this is not her acting as your friendship is valuable right now. I do also believe in most cases it would be appropriate to just let it go after one more message but that being said...
You mentioned you've been friends 20 yrs so there could be more context to this that is left out in your brief post. You also mention that you've been struggling yourself and she's been busy. Somehow you know that she's been busy which implies some interaction going on.
I am not making any judgments based on what you've said because I have a few questions related to the past 20 yrs. You should and probably do know her very well. My question is, is this really that out of the ordinary for her or was she known to be distant in phases over your life? The way you state things in your post it seems as though you are very unsure of her behavior but is it that she's really acting that much out of character or is it that your bpd is reacting badly and some of this may be over playing the whole story in your head about what could be going on, what she's thinking etc. Because sometimes our imagination gets the best of us and we play things out in our head, it gets exaggerated and overblown as we spiral out of control in our minds.
So I would honestly take a step back and give yourself some distance from the trigger first before making any decisions which may strongly affect what I would guess is an otherwise good and long relationship you've had with your friend.
You're bpd, I'm going to guess she either knows your behavior and knows your dx (due to being a long time friend and therefore trusted) or just knows how sometimes fears can get to you. either way she likely knows your tendencies related to fear of abandonment correct? How did she react before? Is this typical? Has all this happened before?
These questions are important because when we spiral out of control, its typically out of context of reality and the bigger picture. we zoom in on the failures, the issues, the behaviors of another etc... and forget the rest of the story.
I honestly feel you should take some time and ponder those questions
Hope this helps.