today...as much as i am terrified....i can't wait...i don't know what for exactly....but i think it is for things to change...for things to get better...for my life not to be consumed by something so evil....for my poisonous depression to leave my soul.....my friend is amazing and everything he has done means the world to me...ill be 80 and still thinking of him as the friend who helped me save my life....:-)
im hanging onto this hope with all my might..because it is keeping me going...through one of the hardest times...weeks...days of my existence...i have never been so overwhelmed...so overcome..with depression, hate, doubt, worry and negativity....and desperately want this pain to end...or at least decrease in intensity..for it just hurts so much i feel i can not bear it at times...