You are investing too much time into thinking about her. Divorce after all those years is a big adjustment for both of you. You are both going to change. From the sounds of it you are both doing better apart. That's what is in the best interest of everyone involved.

I've never been divorced but I imagine that like any grieving process it is a lot of ups and downs. Work towards acceptance as much as you can. She is going to do what she is going to do. It's not in your control and you don't get a say any more. If contact is destructive to you, sever it, even if just temporarily. Practice self care and recognize what you need to help you through this process.