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mtd said:
freewill,

I see you struggling between hope and despair in your posts today. Please know that you are surviving and claiming who you really are -- that is the legacy of you. One of courage and gentle dignity. You are a beautiful, loving person. No abuser took that away. No abuser replaced that.

mtd

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I so agree with that. From what I've seen of you on these boards, I am amazed by you. I think you're very lovable, steadfast, gentle, and loving.

I think it's easy to get discouraged when we realize that no matter how hard we try, we sometimes carry marks of our painful pasts... and that affects the people we love.

I don't know if this helps or not, but try to keep thinking in the bigger picture. To eradicate physical and sexual abuse is a HUGE, HUGE step for future generations. You built on a very shakey foundation, thanks to your parents, but you made that foundation stronger. You gave your son a firm foundation to build on for future generations... and you may have single-handedly paved the way for your children's children's children to know what it's like to never be hurt, and to love and be loved. There is no greater accomplishment you could've made in your life. Many people who aren't abused struggle to do as much. It's so much harder for those of us who were. Yet you've given it everything you could. And that is amazing.