Well... gee... this sounds a lot like me... except that I'm an old man now! Were you, by any chance an only child? I was. And I've sometimes wondered if at least some of the problems I've had were tied to that. Anyway... I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral, Crisco! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm not a mental health professional. So I could not offer you anything in the way of a diagnosis. (And mental health diagnosis is not something that we do here on PC anyways.) But, as I read your post, I also wondered if you have ever been evaluated for ADHD? Here are links to 3 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of adult ADHD including a 3 minute screening quiz:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/adhd-in-adults/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/treatment-for-adhd/

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/adhd-quiz/

Also... here are links to some articles on the subject of how to build self-esteem:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-tips...r-self-esteem/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/building-self-esteem/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/menta...d-self-esteem/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/bluepri...-esteem/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/self-es...that-can-help/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...r-self-esteem/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-sugg...ve-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-tips...keep-it-there/

My best wishes to you...