I've stifled my orientation and gender so long I have no clue who or what I am. I tell others, "I like who I like and I dress according to how I feel that day." I really don't know who I am because I try so hard to please my family. My parents are accepting but my grandparents aren't...they are very black and white ultra-conservative and I don't think they could tolerate me as being anyting other than pursuing men and dressing feminine. I don't know if I could ever come out to them, but I have been living with them since October and will be living with them until we move in October.

Do my grandparents need to know I am neither straight nor feminine? I feel that I can't, I'm afraid they'll never look at me the same. But I also feel there will be a sense of freedom if I do come out to them.

Also, since I am so confused about who I really am...how do I go about finding out? How do I come out of the closet and explore my sexuality and gender preferences? Where do I even begin?