(((((( Kiya )))))))

You'll get there eventually. I think a lot of us struggle with that where if we don't do one thing we will find something else to do instead, maybe that isn't as noticeable or doesn't seem as bad. Even unintentionally (example, I started grinding and gritting my teeth constantly, and broke one). Some day you won't need to hurt anymore. Try to believe that. Maybe even try it as an affirmation. "Some day you won't need to hurt anymore."

And 8-leggeds won't always have the power that they seem to now. It might not help, but think how much more scared they are of you. You can hurt them much more easily than they can hurt you. But you still probably find them creepy, especially if they are associated with memories.

Rap