Some background. I was in therapy for 26 yrs which included meds etc. I walked away from it all 4 yrs ago.
My SO & I are back in T. This is our 4th time trying & we feel comfortable with this T.

Last wk T brought up the drama triangle bec of a conversation we were trying to have. I was playing victim. Now I do remember using & learning about this triangle when I was in an all women’s support group discussing abuse. So I was a bit rusty in its application.

But looking at the conversation SO & I were having, I was playing victim, hoping he’d see how I felt. ((So to me I was voicing my opinion using “I” statements to explain how I felt, not accusing))
T asked us if we do this a lot & I said no. I feel that for the past 10 yrs I’ve grown out of the “victim” role & stopped looking for SO to rescue me so I feel more independent.

Sidenote: one T taught us how to speak to each other using I statements & saying how we feel.

Last wk in T I was trying to articulate that my SO uses a form of gaslighting with me bec his answer to most discussions we have is “I didn’t say that....I don’t remember saying that....you heard wrong.” This wasn’t really discussed.
(How to discuss gaslighting with a SO was a theory I’d discussed with a former T on my own)

I told T I use IFS therapy daily! It’s my go to way of comprehending my life, feelings, emotions, everything. Apparently it’s difficult (?) to do in T with couples.
(The mention of IFS therapy led to a short discussion of dissociation which I didn’t wanto discuss or found relevant)

Then T told me to look over the book The Dance of Anger, which I probably did 12-15 yrs ago bec I have very bad anger issues!!!


So what I’m trying to say here is...I’ve been in T for a hell of a long time. I’ve read books & studied theories & every T has their own go to methods & it seems the longer in therapy the more I’m asked to construct the “Ultimate Soup!”
You just throw something else on top of the base of your soup, add another theory, try this, apply this, look at this, now add that & that & that etc
So my job is to sieve the dam soup & make my own “flavor” of it, but add their “twist” to it bec it’s what’s missing. There’s always something missing. Obviously. That’s why there’s therapy.

Well guess what?? The next T will say...but you forgot to add this! And that’s when they add another dam ingredient to the mix for you to stir, simmer & sieve.
(I love analogies obviously)

Does anyone else feel like this has become one ginormous game of catch 22 that you’re NEVER going to win?
And in my opinion the current that runs underneath it all? Money! Bec I know as a person with MH issues I’d spend the money trying/dying to feel better.

Example: our T will bank more billable hrs if we decide to “really work” on our marriage & our issues. If I call it quits we might have a couple more sessions & there’s not much more the T can do.