Things have been so up and down lately at home.... my husband has been dealing with a lot of hard ****.. and I have been doing my best to support and love him through it... despite my own pains.. I found out, I think it was 2 weeks ago, that my husband was abusing Meth.. I shared it with you all and you were very open and supportive. Thank you.

I ended up not bringing it up to my husband because I was afraid of the potential fight it could bring... since then he has been just up and down... I would check his phone but saw nothing about getting more of that ****.. eventually I just stopped checking because I wanted to believe 'maybe it was just that once, he wouldn't do that, right?'... Well I sure feel stupid for thinking that...

Yesterday I was texting him all day and he was having a pretty rough one at work... So I tried to cheer him up and it seemed to be working.. he texted that I have been so great to him and he was so happy I am with him and on his side... but when I picked him up, he wouldn't say one word to me.. I tried to talk to him and he just sat in silence.. When we get home it's no different.. he just stomps around the apartment and slams doors and won't say anything.. then he goes to sleep at 6pm and I just felt so anxious because I just want to know what I did wrong..

This morning when I woke up everything seemed fine. He was cuddling up on me and I thought that today might be better... so I just dropped yesterday and was gonna start fresh.. but once he gets up, it's back to the silent treatment... I'm just trying not to get too anxious and upset but I couldn't help think 'this isn't fair.. why is he being like this?'

So when I was driving him to work, with my daughter in the backseat, I just couldn't leave it alone... I asked him about it.. and begged him to talk to me.. I kept pushing.. and then he just exploded.. yelling that I don't care about what's wrong, so I should quit asking.. and that I haven't been doing anything to make him happy or show that I care about his happiness... I burst into tears trying to tell him that I have been trying my best... I do care.. we just kept going on for a while till I couldn't hold it in and I screamed at him... He smacked me directly on the mouth.. and busted my lip open... I cried and he made fun of how I sounded... I yelled that he busted my lip.. he said "good!".... he made me take him to the store and when he got back in the car, he started smoking a cigarette... with our daughter right there... I screamed and tried to take it from him.. but he said to just crack my window... I wish I was imagining all of this...

When I went home on my lunch break, I saw that he left his phone.. So I checked it... He bought some last week just before the weekend... so he is either in the process of coming down from it, or currently on it....

I can't do this anymore you guys... He promised he'd never hit me... he promised to not touch that ****... he promised to care... but he broke every one of those promises....

I'm so scared of what is going to happen... I don't know what to think or feel anymore.. I need to leave... I know I do.. but I'm so scared you guys... It feels like everything is just falling apart... like I can't hold onto it anymore...