I'm not sure if this would be useful at all or if what I'm thinking even matches what you're really going through, but I hear your frustration. In life I kind of am the person who wants to get everything right and do everything by the textbook, and I tend to really overthink things, or I worry too much about trying to apply everything I've learned perfectly when really the best way to do it is to let events happen and then try some of the different skills and see which one fits best and kind of more learn through life experience. However if you're dealing with someone who's gaslighting you even the best Experts of relationship struggle with that one because it's so toxic and it's just incredibly difficult to have a decent relationship with someone who's doing that.