Yesterday's session:

>He told me that my 15 year old sister had tried to call him on sunday. Which I didn't know about. In the angry conversation with my mother I did say that I hated living where I was and that I didn't want to study and that I wanted to kill myself.

We talked about the weekend's events.
>Told him I never really felt safe at home.
>He said it was something very sad that he was feeling and that he didn't understand why I was down playing things.

>Told him about the repetitive pregnancy dreams I've been having then said I had decided for now to call a truce That I wouldn't attack him but that didn't mean that he had won.
>He said he didn't realize we were at war.
>But even then I wanted to say mean things to him to try to make him angry.
>"that I found it easier to fight than to feel"

>talked about the boy who asked me out on a date, but I turned down.
>he asked about my father and if were were speaking.
>I said that he had asked if I loved him and I said no.
"because you send me all your love"
>I said that I felt like I did. That his birthday was before my brothers' but I wasn't going to get him a present. How I spent the amount of money on his christmas present that I would have for my own father.
>He commented when I told him that I loved him it was from the place of a little girl innocent. Sweet.
>I brought up father's day and how I thought of him instead.
>He commented that there was an innocent side to me and another that was more risky and flirtatious.
>I told him that the child me wanted to marry him.
>"and live happily ever after".
>I told him that I wanted to be looked after to play monopoly with him. That I secretly wanted him to read the book I gave him for his birthday to me.
>I said that I wanted to buy him a father's day gift but didn't think that he would accept and that it would ruin things between us. That he would say "boundaries S. We need boundaries."
>he commented that the young me was stripped of sexuality, whilst the other me was full but in a hostile way. Couldn't unify the two ideas that it was possible to love and have a sexual relationship.
>we talked about why I didn't like him facing me directly.
>I asked if he could read to me or if that was too much?
>"me read to you?"
> yeah- it would have to be Fantastic mr fox and we talked about the plot until I mentioned that I hated Milne's character Eeyore.
>more talking about my dream and how it was about creation and how my behaviour suggested that I thought sex was shameful.
>mentioned that I didn't talk about periods either because I felt like he'd think I was dirty and disgusting.