The ER doc said my sutures on the small cut were "not bad" and left them in. Then I watched him suture the cut that was too deep for me to handle myself and I asked him questions and he gave me some tips on technique.
So I went home from the ER, made a few more cuts, and then sutured myself up much better than my first suturing attempt that the doctor had called "not bad." It's been a few days and they've held up quite nicely and
they're healing well. I think I could even handle that really deep one myself now.
You won't know this unless I tell you, since it happened after the ER, so the social worker who called you didn't know.
This has to get a reaction out of you, right? I actually really don't think I'm doing it for your reaction at this point. But I think it would hurt if I told you and you didn't react.
I have no emotional reaction to it. I talked about it in a recovery meeting tonight though and everyone else seemed horrified. I want to feel that. I want to care that I'm doing this to myself beyond the fact that the healing process is annoying and itchy. I want it to bother me but no matter how hard I try I just can't feel like it matters. I guess maybe I want it to at least matter to you, even though I can't find a way to care about myself.