Hello, thank you for reading this.

I think my girlfriend may have BPD.
Although she has been seeing a therapist for a while, I don't believe she is being truly honest about her behaviour in our relationship

We have been together for two years. Those two years have seen a lot of love but also one issue after another for her and I have realized that I am neglecting my health and own needs, to attend to hers.
I have tried implementing boundaries e.g. suggesting we go into separate rooms when we are both angry and fighting, so that we can calm down. She gets very agitated by this and will not agree, or let me leave the room (sometimes physically standing in my way) and has twice told me she is thinking of killing herself. I believe she is scared that I will abandon her as we can only get past it once I tell her...that I love her and will never leave her...which is difficult to say when you feel like you are being held hostage and that your needs are not important.

Our relationship seems very unbalanced and I am unable to lean on her for support as when I do, she seems to internalize my problems and see them as being about her. If I'm upset about something, her reaction is to get more upset about something else. If I'm upset about something in our relationship and try to open a dialogue about it, her reaction tends to be to get upset and cry about how she doesn't want to hurt me. I know she doesn't want to hurt me, but it ends up with me comforting and consoling her and my issue remains unresolved.

I do love her and want the relationship to work out. However, I am exhausted from sleepless nights filled with conversations about her and our 'issues' (she seems to want to fight rather than be apart) as well as giving her a huge amount of support, encouragement and reassurance. I'm feeling really burnt out.

I want to tell her that I think she has BPD because I think, if it was the other way around, I would like to know so that I could have a diagnosis to work from. However, I have heard that some therapists and people with BPD would rather not get the diagnosis. I am scared.

Should I tell her?