My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T: I Really Need to Tell You Something, but I Don't Know How...Part XXXI

Deejay14 · 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LabRat27

Well first of all I never used the word "should." I said "want." I never suggested that my therapist was obligated to care about me.

More importantly however, while I know that you're trying to be helpful, insinuating that not caring about myself is a lack of work on my part is hurtful and harmful.

I don't have to work to care about others. Many of the people I care about struggle with a lack of self-worth and/or a lack of compassion for themselves, and I don't see myself as somehow "working harder" than they are at their recovery, and I don't think that they don't deserve my compassion or that they have to somehow earn my compassion by curing themselves of their mental illness/deep seeded issues caused by years of trauma before they're worthy of being cared about.
Compassion for oneself is very different than compassion for others. And putting the blame on me for somehow just not working hard enough only adds to the problem.
I can't just flip a switch in my brain and decide to feel compassion for myself just because I want to. That's the whole problem. It's no more helpful to tell me to care about myself than it is to tell me to be happy to cure my depression or tell me to stop worrying to cure my anxiety. And, given this, your comment was basically telling me that I don't deserve to be cared about. I really hope that was not the message you actually intended to convey.

Wow, th a wasn't my intention AT ALL. I am not asking you to cure yourself of depression or anything else. I didn't even say you used the word should or intimated that the T was obligated to care. I didn't put a y blame on you or say you weren't working hard, just that therapy works better if you want it more than your T.Did not even talk about you feeling compassion for others Just asking you to explore why you can't feel compassion for yourself. You are a human being and therefore worthy of care and compassion. You DO deserve it and I genuinely meant that, so stop reading into each word and accept it for just what it says at face value. I was reacting someone who I thought was hurting and would appreciate some compassion/ caring, but if you can't receive it, I tried. I hope you don't treat other people like this who are trying to be supportive. I don't ***** all over people and I would like the same respect in return.
I had a pretty crappy couple of days myself, but my intention was genuine. Accept it in the spirit of was given. No harm was implied or intended by me.