also i just want to say i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry. there is so much i haven't told you, so much i've held back, and i know i'm really hurting myself with that but also i feel like if i tell you, then you won't trust me anymore. i want you to trust me. i'm so scared to tell you so many things, and that makes me feel very stupid. i just don't know how to bring them up. but i'm also tired of talking about the same old things. you and i both know that rehashing these things isn't helping, and we both know that there is something more or else i wouldn't need therapy anymore. the problem is you can't just figure out what the "more" is... i have to tell you. but idk how. i am so scared. but i guess i have three months to figure it out.