I don't really know why I'm posting this online other than I feel like I want to tell someone and I don't have anyone in my life to tell this to other than one friend.

I'm calling my employer in the morning and quitting my retail job of 16 years. I have enough in savings to live for 8 months. I'm 51, single, male, without a college education, and no job skills other than working retail all my life.

After taking a five-day weekend from work the thought of having to go back to my night shift stocking job is too much. Every time I go into that place I become sad and I just want to leave. I hate this boring, routine job. And there's nothing else to do with this store. First, second, or over night shifts are filled with the same awful people. One of the biggest things I dislike are most of my coworkers. They don't talk about anything other than getting drunk or stoned, gambling or sports. They gossip and backstab and complain. It's so bottom of the barrel I can't stand it. I feel like I'll die if I have to go back. I've tried distracting myself over the years with an mp3 player and music, books on tape, learning a new language, or podcasts. Nothing has changed. I still go home depressed and my brain is shut off.

I tried surrounding myself in my apartment with nice things. Went into debt doing it. Some nice prints, nice antiques, a couple pieces of comfortable furniture. That helps somewhat but I still have to go back to that crap environment and every time I take a step forward, after just one night of that place, it's a step back. I'm physically and mentally tired and I want off the carousel.

So, I'm taking a huge risk at my age by quitting. I need a few weeks or months to heal. A lifetime of working and this is all I accomplished, which is basically nothing. I'm so tired of working and giving it all away at the end of the week. Watching my body deteriorate from the work that's making someone else rich while I can't afford to buy good shoes for my aching feet and legs. For years eating comfort food to push down the sadness so I could get up and do it all over again to end up overweight. I stopped eating junk food a week ago and I feel so much better--like I can think clearly. And every part of me is screaming not to go back to that hellhole.

I've decided I betrayed myself long enough. If I go back to work tomorrow night I'll just go right back to the junk food and back to my zombie-like state until my next long weekend off. I'm going to either sink or swim. If I sink it's okay. But I won't allow myself to become homeless. I just know it's time to do something worthwhile, make a decision to get out there and do something I want to do for once or bring an end to this nonsense of working and never getting anywhere.

I do have one friend and I'll let her know I'm quitting. I'm sure she'll try to talk me out of it but I've made my decision. I hope to be happy whatever the outcome. Thank you.