Hi everybody.

I have depression which is somewhat controlled by medication, but not entirely. I own parrots, and I recently lost one. It was extremely sudden, and while I feel better about it now, (about three weeks later) I'm really noticing I feel as if I don't have purpose.

I know it sounds stupid that I feel this way after losing a pet, but with this particular bird I was able to come home after a bad day and he would just immediately come up and want to cuddle me. I love my two other birds, but they don't really want to be held, just be pet occasionally. I just feel like my mental health has taken a major decline since this happened. I don't have anyone I can talk to and sit down and hug, so this bird was a blessing. To be honest I kind of don't want to be alive.

To make matters worse, my mother absolutely hates my birds and refuses to allow me to get another (the bird was male, and they typically are more affectionate, so while not a replacement I would be able to get a similar connection) even though she knows how much this bird helped me. I can't really do anything about it either since I'm in school and living at home.

Does anyone have any advice? I really dont know what to do with myself honestly. I cant talk to my parents about how I feel, and not really my friends either. Getting a different kind of pet isn't an option either, as I'm either allergic or just not allowed.