I don't think I've ever felt normal. I have been bipolar since at least 14 when traumatic events came into my life. Even before that, I was an extremely shy and insecure kid, with a mother who was manic-depressive (called bipolar disorder today).

I have however had periods of extreme happiness, which I realize now was probably hypomania. I was actually diagnosed at 29. I kept my deep bouts of depression a huge secret from everyone, even my doctor, as I was so ashamed of it. Drank heavily to overcome my shyness and depression. Marijuana was also in the picture.
I am 59 now, and very very tired of this whole cycle. I was mostly unmedicated as my mother was addicted to prescription drugs to help herself deal with her bipolar, and so meds became bad in my mind.
This disorder has taken it's toll on me, and I am so ready to go. If I died tomorrow, it would be a godsend.