Hi!

As I already discussed, I have made a daily plan and I try to follow it as much as possible. Im sleeping adequately, trying to eat healthy and not too much of junk food, exercising etc etc but everything seems like a chore. Im not enjoying anything Im doing. I feel anxious and depressed most of the time. Recently the anxiety has increased, Im getting strong panic attacks. The panic attacks are freaking me out. At those times I literally want to scream and run away somewhere. There's a feeling of hopelessness too though I never give up hope coz that's the only option I have. I don't want to die. I love life. I want to live and be able to enjoy life once again.

The only time of the day I enjoy is the time I spend chatting with my bf and when I m on PC. I listen to soothing music coz it's supposed to make me feel happy and peaceful but it's not being of any help.

Something weird. Im feeling separation anxiety when my bf hangs up the phone. But he has to sleep and get things done too. I understand. I tell myself Im grown up and yet I can't help it. As soon as he hangs up, the panic attacks start!

This never-ending depression, anxiety and panic attacks are making me really frustrated. Idk what to do. I can't go to a therapist coz therapists here in India are not that trained and not willing to spend much time with the client. Rather the advice/solutions I receive on PC are much more helpful. Moreover my psych doc is reluctant to prescribe me an anti-depressant to counter the depression as Im bipolar and have had two brief manic episodes in the past two years. I have my psych doc appo this Mon. I'll ask for an anti-depressant. Hopefully he will understand this time. Coz the anhedonia, lethargy and sadness are too frustrating to deal with all the time.

But meds alone won't help. I wish I could come up with solutions/coping strategies.

Thanks for listening.