I feel like people have control over me because they can make me feel terrified and afraid without even trying. They can make me feel inferior. I totally realize the answer is within me, but this being triggered daily is really getting me down. I don't trust anybody. I feel like a puppet on a string. I feel like I can't be me, that I don't know if there is a me, I don't know who I am. So I feel like I frequently am in the stance of trying to figure out the other person instead of just being me (if a me exists). I am constantly on guard as to how others react to me, and it is killing me.

Yesterday, I felt invalidated (I think?) when you told me that my problem was my sensitivity. It's like when I feel invalidated, and I KNOW that you didn't intend to do that, again, the answer is within me. The problem I have with that explanation is that I have NO idea as to what to do about it. That explanation means that I am going to have to just tolerate this the rest of my life. I feel like an ingrate because you are trying to help me and I am reacting like this. I hate being this way. I hate acting in ways that I don't intend to. I don't get why I can't just stop doing whatever it is that makes me feel inferior/horrible. I am absolutely sensitive, no doubt. I am worried that I am paranoid or am approaching paranoia. How on Earth am I to handle this? How am I going to get through this without ruining my work relationships when I sometimes can't help myself. I don't get this.

T, I am so afraid. I keep seeming to get triggered and that shame is the result and I am just so overwhelmed. I am frantic to have a narrative that helps me calm down, but I just don't get myself. I want SO badly just to say to myself, who cares about what others think, but I CAN'T, I can't do this. I desperately want to, but I just can't. Are you tired of me? Am I too much? I am too much for myself. I am seriously disturbed and I'm afraid that there's nothing I can do about it. I keep going and going, and tolerating and tolerating, and trying to make sense of things ad nauseum. I'm a wreck. I desperately need your help.