thank you pachyderm. i know.. PC is a sanctuary in many ways...

crisis = my husband is coming here for a week. He is the reason i am making that list on the other thread. He became verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive. He became psychotic. That is the very very short version. i know he wont physically hurt me.. i think.. i mean he did get arrested once for trying to attack someone.. and some of my friends were worried he would kill me. i dont think so. But i am afraid. i go into survival mode. It's about him and it's about my past. Either way i am not myself. i withdraw and become very submissive.. hestitant. apologetic. If yelled at i will freeze and start sobbing uncontrollably. I get so scared i nearly wet myself. Not all of that comes from H. But the line is blurry.

He has been well of late.. not screaming.. just controlling. He wants me to work it out with him.. and in attempting to convince me he told me i was a horrible person to live with. My T said he's like a guy on a first date who cant even pretend he's not an %#@&#!. (i laughed really really hard at that) i dunno, H's logic defies reason sometimes... i'm a ***** to live with? Makes me feel all loved to hear him say that.

T said last time that because i felt so weakened.. maybe i should shoot for the status quo, just to make it through.. but the optimal goal is to tell H it is over, no going back.

That is why i need support and not lessons in growth.